Last Day of JVC in CA

My goal is for my life to fulfill this:

"Love creates in Christians a dynamic that leads us to do all that God wants, spontaneously without even having to think about it, because, by this time, we have made God's will ours and we love everything that God loves." -From Sober Intoxication of the Spirit


Today I am packing my stuff and leaving CMC.  I think the year flew by.  I had a really life-giving time here with my housemates and at my work placement.  I am so grateful for my life. It is strange that I am moving out and will lead a different lifestyle once I get back home to Rockford.  The values will always be present in my life (Spirituality, Social Justice, Community, and Simple Living) as long as I have motivation to remain in peace.  


So much has changed me, although I attribute all growth to God.  He has truly been working non-stop in my life and I have remained for the most part open to new parts of the world through my senses. 


My relationships have affected me the most; I have experienced God most clearly through people I have been blessed to know. Community has been one of if not the most crucial element of JVC.  People have worked together and have come out with common goals.  Love works through support, and community, specifically.  I have been shown a lot about love that I didn't know before, namely, its wonderfully and intensely substantial nature. . . hard to say in words but through experience, love has become a clearer and clearer reality in my life.  


I look forward to spending time with my family and connecting with friends when I am back in Rockford.  I will leave it up to my life's progression in God to come to my next major life decision.  


Thank you for your support and for reading my blog.  I won't be updating it again, unless I move back to California. I will let the currents drive me.




Much love and peace to you

Community Night

Every week, our house of JVs tries to have a community night.  Last week's community night, all our household members wrote and read "This I believe" statements of 500 words or less.

I would like to share my "This I believe" statement, because it is something from deep within.  Thanks for reading.

I believe that we were all created for a reason.  I believe that every single person was, is and will be on the planet for a specific reason.  I believe that everyone was thought of by God and was given the gift of life and of infinite and eternal love. 

I believe my heart responds to people that do not believe in God’s love.  I believe that one of my purposes here is to let God use me to help those in darkness, hope in God’s light.

I believe that faith, hope and love in, for and because of God is our key to eternal happiness and true fulfillment. 

I truly believe with my whole heart that God can do anything, and that nothing can be done without God. 

I believe that in all things, God is our help, our Truth, and our Intimate, Omnipotent lover.   I believe that God can not literally be or do anything that is not PURE AND PERFECT love and Complete and Absolute goodness.

I do believe that God sent Jesus, the 2^nd person in the Objectively Divine Trinity down to Earth.  I believe that Jesus was sent to tell us the Truth about the origin of everything and everyone. 

I believe that Satan and evil are very real.  I believe that God, who is Love and Perfection, will overcome at the end.

I believe that Mary is literally the Mother of us all.  I believe she is the Mother of God.  I believe that all she has is Mercy and Love in her heart and I believe that she turns to God with all of our requests and I believe that Mary protects us very intimately. I believe that her greatest desire is that we get to her son, Jesus, who is Her God and King, and absolutely ours.

I believe that God’s love and natural law are written on each heart.

I believe that sin unfortunately exists in the world.  I believe that it hurts Jesus to witness his lovers turn away from him and reject his love and unfathomable commitment.  I believe that Jesus is constantly waiting with an open embrace to all who seek him and his mercy.

I believe that mercy from God is necessary to our salvation.  I believe that we must accept the saving acts of Jesus Christ incarnated, commissioned, crucified and resurrected in order to be united in eternal love and perfection.

I believe that every single person has had, does have and will have life on this earth for a divine and perfectly good reason.  I believe that God loves each and every single person unconditionally and I believe this is the greatest, most mysterious and conclusively the most important Truth (with a capital T) that we will discover.

God Bless! <3<3<3

Happy Mother's Day and Reflection on JVC Silent Retreat in Tucson, AZ

Happy Mother's Day to all mothers out there! (And especially to my mom, Linda Zuba, who is one of the greatest gifts to me from God, a woman who is both loving and selflessly strong; I can always, no matter what, count on her. Te amo MUCHO, Mom! <3 <3)

I was reading "Total Surrender" by Mother Teresa today.  This is a beautiful passage that I never want to forget:

"Total surrender consists in giving ourselves completely to God. Why must we give ourselves fully to God?  Because God has given himself to us.  If God, who owes nothing to us, is ready to impart to us no less than himself, shall we answer with just a fraction of ourselves?  To give ourselves fully to God is a means of receiving God himself.  I live for God and give up my own self and in this way induce God to live for me.  Therefore, to possess God, we must allow God to possess our souls. How poor we would be if God had not given us the power of giving ourselves to him. How rich we are now. "

On my silent retreat my spiritual director told me that the more we "plan", and "worry", and try to figure out "our lives", the less time we are making ourselves aware of God's presence, and the more time we waste, fretting about our own false self-importance.
I thought this was beautiful.  My spiritual director, Sr. Elizabeth, confirmed to me that our sole purpose in life is to literally surrender to God, to open our entire selves to him so that he can love, think, do and serve through us.  We are vessels, and we are intimately connected to God. Jesus is always with us, and desires to be in closer and closer relationship with us.
At the retreat I was able to really spend some time WITH Jesus, contemplating him and his love and truly expressing my desperate love for him.
I am so relieved, now, that I can stop planning and start being.  As a wise priest (Fr. Nielsen) once said to me, "The goal is to put your urgency [love and energy] into the particular moment that God gives you, and not worry about the BIG picture, that is up to God."
I trust in Jesus, that he will lead me and work through me if I just surrender myself to him:

"Our total surrender will come today by surrendering even our sins so that we will be poor. 'Unless you become a child you cannot come to me.' You are too big, too heavy; you cannot be lifted up.  We need humility to acknowledge our sin.  The knowledge of our sin helps us to rise. I will get up and go to my Father."
-Total Surrender,  by Mother Teresa


The beauty of the world and of the plan of life is indeed a great mystery, however, it is real. We must trust in Jesus because he came down to show us the Father, specifically his love, compassion, and mercy (Mother Teresa, Total Surrender).  We will never know how deeply interconnected we all are, but we must trust that God in his goodness is using us to fulfill his great plan for all humankind.  It is true and we must let ourselves find true peace that is a fruit of God's life in us.  I am in love with Jesus, because he is deeply in love with me.  I pray that everyone finds this mystery and uses it to be all we were created to be.

Happy Mother's Day! Mary, Queen of all, pray for us.

Outdoor chapel at the Redemptorist Renewal Retreat center in the Sonoran Desert :)

Our Lady of the Desert Chapel: Holy Tabernacle, flowers and Our Lady of Perpetual Help image

View of the mountains and cacti, behind the outdoor chapel <3

Perfection in truth

Life isn't easy, but
Neither death nor life
Nor angels or principalities or powers
Neither things present
Nor things to come
No force whatever
Neither the height above us
Nor the depth beneath us
Nor any other created thing
Will be able to separate us
From the love of God
Which comes to us in Christ Jesus,
Our Lord.
(Romans 8:38-39)

Nothing will ever separate us from the love of God. How is this less than perfect.

JVC Rocks!

I haven't blogged about my JVC work experience for a while.  I am really enjoying my work. I still have around 20 clients. I have been establishing relationships with my clients and working to develop them in positive and sustainable ways. I have had a decent share of troublesome situations and complicated client situations, but overall I have been managing fine and have been using each experience as a learning opportunity. I feel supported by my co-workers and supervisors. I enjoy getting to know my co-workers a lot. I am so grateful to be working in such a positive work environment. I will have a very high standard for my next job. St. Joseph Center is clearly a very special place. I know God put me there for a reason and that he has great plans for all of us.  I am so happy to have clients that are willing to work through case management. Not all of my clients come to meetings, but the ones that do, really put their effort in. I appreciate this and appreciate their trust in me to manage their case!  I am excited because the weather is just starting to get very beach-friendly. I am so blessed to work so close to the coast! It's only a couple blocks a way from work. How can another job ever live up to this one? I'm going to have to keep my eyes out for something great for next year. My program ends August 3rd.

Next weekend (May 6-9) we go on a silent retreat in Tucson.  I am looking forward to that. It will be a nice time to reflect on the experiences I've had so far and look into the future a bit to try and discern what my next steps may look like. My community and I are also going to camp at the Grand Canyon before the retreat. It will be my first experience camping in a while but I'm sure it will be GREAT.

Last week we had an area visit with our program coordinator and he said that we as a community are doing really well. I believe so too. God's grace sure can bring a group of people together in a very loving, memorable way. Love does not exclude challenge and much of the joy that my community is experiencing is a result of challenging, stressful times that have been endured with support and patience and hope. So much support. Intentional communities are definitely ones I would recommend.

My spiritual life is also advancing as time goes on. I have been fortunate enough to get to mass a few times a week. I also really love the fact that Jesus and Mary are constantly in my presence and that I can remind myself of that every second of every day. They both have been leading me in very wonderful and clear directions. Jesus and Mary are the best!


I am looking forward to moving in new directions. I know that I will always be supported. I feel strength that is from God and love from so many different people, and from God infinitely. I hope that God is using me to be his vessel of love as well.

My favorite prayer

Prayer, by St. Francis Xavier:

O God, I love Thee, I love Thee--
not out of hope of heaven for me,
nor fearing not to love and be
in the everlasting burning.

Thou, my Jesus, after me
didst reach thine arms out dying,
for my sake sufferedst nails and lance,
mocked and marred countenance,
sorrows passing number,
sweat and care and cumber,
yea, and death, and this for me.
And thou couldst see me sinning;
Then I, why should I not love thee,
Jesus, so much in love with me?

Not for heaven's sake; not to be
out of hell by loving thee,
not for any gains I see;
but just the way that thou didst me
I do love and I will love thee;
What must I love thee, Lord, for then?
For being my King and God. Amen

I love this prayer. . . I hope to say it every day from now on. . .

I believe it reflects the heart of our Catholic faith.  Amen!

Saturday Reflections

My friend Ryan shared a link to this website with me. I was navigating it and came across this article.  It's about being versus doing, and discusses balance in every day life.

Balance is something I have been struggling with lately, specifically, I have been really struggling with balancing my work, spirituality, and community life in a life-giving way.

This article really resounded with me. I believe I have a better understanding now of what a balanced life should include. I love this quote:

"Thus, external action should be derived from internal reality, and this requires a rhythm of solitude and engagement, restoration and application, intimacy with Christ and activity in the world."


The main point of the article, I thought, was to describe that first and foremost, we need to develop and foster a relationship with Jesus Christ who is God. 


"Our primary purpose is not to do something for Christ, but to know Him; our activities and abilities are useless for the kingdom unless He energizes them, and this will not happen if they take precedence over intimacy with Him. We become weary and exhausted when we attempt more public ministry than we can cover in private growth."


A very beautiful quote:

"It is easy to become more concerned with good causes than with knowing Christ. As Oswald Chambers notes, “Beware of anything that competes with loyalty to Jesus Christ. . . . The greatest competitor of devotion to Jesus is service for Him. . . . We count as service what we do in the way of Christian work; Jesus Christ calls service what we are to Him, not what we do for Him. . . ."

I feel very renewed after reading this article. It is liberating to know that I must first seek Jesus and all else will fall into place.

Here is the link to the site: Process Spirituality: Being Versus Doing


I encourage you to look at it.


I hope it fills you with hope as it did for me.


God Bless!

God is Love

Here's a shout out and thank you to God who reigns over Heaven and Earth, knows us perfectly and supports us unconditionally, who is mysterious and asks us to trust in His goodness, love, and absolute perfection as He has and always had a great and holy and perfect plan for each one of us, as we were created out of love for love and because of love.

Thank you God for life and love and free will and for loving us mercifully and unconditionally and perfectly and beyond our understanding even in our broken human condition. We are and always will be indebted to you and your literally fathomless mercy and love and compassion and holiness.

God you desire us all to be one with you because of your love for us.  It is you that desire to be one with us  to share with us your infinite and holy love.  Guide us always and enlighten our hearts to trust you every single step of the way to your perfect love.

God, give us strength in every moment and please inflame our little hearts with love and joy, faith and hope.
Amen.

Living by the Cross

This weekend I attended a Women's Cornerstone retreat at St. Monica's parish in Santa Monica.  The retreat was open to women of all ages (18 to 118) and after hearing numerous witness talks, engaging in small group discussions and going to confession and mass with 80 other "Beautiful Spirits" (the appropriate theme of the retreat), I was completely renewed.

A couple of extremely important lessons that I took from the retreat to my heart:

1. Don't give up.  Never give up living, loving, and aiming to prosper.  

2. God will demonstrate His glory through our weaknesses.  

From 2 Corinthians 12:9: "'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weakness, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 

The Msgr. who said the mass at our retreat implored us to grasp our weakness, and hold it up high to God.    In our weaknesses, we find the cross.  In our weaknesses we experience most painful struggle despair and confusion.

We may rejoice in that it is through the Cross that we will gain new life.  Our God and Savior Jesus took the cross, carried it in intense pain and surrendered his life on it so that we may all have Eternal life!  By the cross, Jesus opened the gates of Heaven for us.

We all have weaknesses, and we all have our crosses but let our crosses be causes of joy, and great beacons of opportunity to grow closer to Christ, strive to trust more in Our Father and God, and open ourselves to God's strength and power so that through our weakness, God may show clearly His great love and glory.

Our God is infinitely powerful and entirely and absolutely love! Yes, our God is love itself, and NOTHING is impossible with God.

Another great quote that a lady from the retreat told the group:

 "Our adversities are God's universities."  We will learn the most through our struggles.

We are not asked to throw our weaknesses by the wayside so that we don't have to deal with the hurt.  Our God is asking us to let Him heal, love, and restore us to new life--- through trusting that God will heal us, we open ourselves to allowing our weaknesses to be transformed with God's power and love.

Let us not waste time!  We have this beautiful opportunity this Lenten season to grow closer to Christ, and how better can we grow closer to Christ than through embracing our cross as He did?

While our crosses now may seem like the source of our greatest pain, we have every opportunity to allow God to help us carry them.   Through the knowledge and courage that God will offer us, we will have strength to live our lives to greater fulfillment.  Our crosses will become the sources of our greatest joy and our key to eternal life.

We will indeed fall on our journey with the cross (Jesus did 3 times).  The most important thing is that we use God' grace, which will always be sufficient, to get back up again. Don't ever give up!

The First Principle and Foundation
by St. Ignatius of Loyola


The Goal of our life is to live with God forever.
God, who loves us, gave us life.
Our own response of love allows God's life
to flow into us without limit.
 
All the things in this world are gifts from God,
Presented to us so that we can know God more easily
and make a return of love more readily.
As a result, we appreciate and use all these gifts of God
Insofar as they help us to develop as loving persons.
But if any of these gifts become the center of our lives,
They displace God
And so hinder our growth toward our goal.
 
In everyday life, then, we must hold ourselves in balance
Before all of these created gifts insofar as we have a choice
And are not bound by some obligation.
We should not fix our desires on health or sickness,
Wealth or poverty, success or failure, a long life or a short one.
For everything has the potential of calling forth in us
A deeper response to our life in God.
 
Our only desire and our one choice should be this:
I want and I choose what better leads
To God's deepening his life in me.

Super Bowl

My wonderful housemate Carolyn just set up an antenna on our TV and for the first time all JVC year we got TV cable connection.  The first thing we were able to watch: The Super Bowl!  It was fun and relaxing being able to watch on a comfortable recliner couch. I didn't watch the whole thing but I was impressed by some of the commercials I saw.
Everyone seems to be inching toward what rings as solid, true, and REAL.  Marketing professionals are getting so good at this! They must break the thresholds and they must keep trying to go deeper and get better.  When you get at the "real", people are more likely to drive hyundais and eat m&Ms, right?

I also loved the fact that the coach of the giants and all the other spokespeople for the winning team genuinely attributed their hard work and motivation to their fans.  The players of the football teams and any sports teams out there are truly more than athletic skill.  They have love for what they do and who they do it for!

Madonna's performance wasn't bad either.  World peace in lights may have taken my heart.

How do we understand God's love for us?

How do we understand God's love for us?

Pray, pray, and pray some more!

Prayer is nothing but genuine conversation with God.  Prayer, however, is everything to the human being.  God responds to our sincerity.  Let us always remember that God is love and mercy is His deed; in Him you will find an endless abyss of mercy and new hope for a new life.

Here is a beautiful reflection that I received from the Sisters of Life:

Erasmo Leiva-Merikakis commented on this first Beatitude (Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven) saying, “another way to translate this in more explicit words, ‘How fortunate those who beg for their life’s very breath!…’ to be poor in spirit is to be totally dependent on God even for our very breath.  Jesus puts at the head of His beatitudes those who do not forget that “without God you can do nothing!”  The Jewish people knew this and it is interesting to note that the first letter of the Hebrew alphabet is the soundless letter “Aleph;” that is before you can say anything you must first take in breath, take in air from outside ourselves.  The poor in spirit depend on God in the same way that our lungs depend on air.” 

Our God longs to be with us, to give us His life, peace, joy, strength, freedom, healing, forgiveness and mercy.  He constantly desires to draw us deeper into His Sacred Heart to show us His Divine Love for us.  He comes to be with the ones who need Him, who rely on Him just as they rely on their next breath. 

Youth Ministry

I recently got involved in a youth ministry program as a volunteer.  I checked out a high school youth group and got to hang out with some really great (amazing and soulful) kids. Every youth group is different, but once a month there is a sports themed night.  My first experience at youth group was indeed the sports night and I had the pleasure of engaging in ultimate frisbee, glow-in-the-dark Tron style in the park across from the St. Monica Church.  It was awesome and life-giving!

I was extremely happy when one of the other youth ministers decided to change the rules a bit and say that the frisbee must be passed from boy to girl to boy etc. This new rule dramatically changed the game! Yes, it was not as fast paced because the same 4 boys were not running down the field scoring all the goals.  But the girls were actually involved! And having a great time as soon as they realized that they could catch and throw frisbees too!  The boys started to trust them more, at first because they had no other option and then because they actually realized that girls could score goals and be into the game too.  I genuinely hope that it won't take as long to realize that we need to try harder to get everyone involved in co-ed sports.

I was deeply touched by the heartfelt participation in prayer of the youth group members after frisbee.  Everyone stood in a circle and held hands while prayer intentions were offered to our loving God.  These high school kids are truly living in God's grace and I pray that nothing will sway them away.  My prayer is that God will build their strength, endurance and love and deepen their prayer life as well. I hope that the youth group kids continue to show me God's love and truth through their genuine liveliness and gentleness.

It's a New Year

Thank God for life.

I am grateful for my experiences so far in JVC; I give all credit to our God for filling me with hope and strength--necessary graces that have allowed me to open my mind and heart to God's love and life.

God's love has been something that I have been truly contemplating lately.  

I am astounded by the immensity of this reality, and the difficulty to truly and firmly believe and trust in this.

Faith is a gift, and I have a need to ask for more everyday.  God will give us what we ask for, and more.  MUCH more!

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."  Matthew 7:7

A priest told me recently, "God loves us because He loves us."  He loves us, and there is nothing we can or will do to change that one, literal, living Truth.

My New Year resolution is to find out as much as possible about God's love for the world.

I will start by living, and I will live by praying, trusting, hoping, and acting.  All by the grace of God.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13

2012 Rose Bowl

I would like to congratulate the Badgers now for their exceptionally great performance at the Rose Bowl.

I would also like to thank God, Emily my housemate, and Josh my friend from Madison who all helped make it possible for me to actually watch the game in the Rose Bowl stadium.

Badgers forever!

January Update

My busyness has prevented me from consistent blogging.  It's already January, and I've been doing JVC for 5 months.

Work is getting better, but more difficult and stressful at the same time.  I have been trying to develop relationships while remaining within the boundaries of financial self sufficiency case management. I have found that it is not always easy to direct conversations, and it is certainly not second nature to act like a professional case manager.  Admittedly not much training was involved in my job experience, however, I am clearly learning as I'm going.

Only recently has it come to my attention that I actually have very little knowledge of how to truly serve clients.

It has been humbling to learn that I have an infinite amount more to learn.

I am frighteningly at the point in my job where I have been around a little too long to make excuses for not knowing certain things.  I am expected to have a little more independence and rely a little less on my supervisor for questions relating to social services in Santa Monica.  I have been encouraged to try harder to learn what I need to know to fulfill my role as a case manager.  At this point, it is less about what I want to do and more about what I absolutely need to do to serve my clients.

I am grateful for this opportunity to improve my job skills.